01.27.07
this morning
i woke up around 10 am this morning to the sound of my mom “banging” pots and dishes in the kitchen. so of course i get up because that usually means that she is mad and i was right. she was mad and currently still is mad. she’s not the one to say that she’s mad but she definitely displays it. i asked, “what’s wrong” and then she started bitching at me for not doing more chores. and all i can think in my head is “WTF, are you serious?” she has no idea how long i’ve been doing chores with out her help, for years, it really has been years. i really don’t think she realizes. i can’t take that she expects me to do all the fucking work anymore. it’s not right and it’s not fair. last semester my classes gave me lots of opportunity to clean and do chores pretty much all day long but not this semester. my classes are harder and i’m out of town at another JC for a class. if she got off work when she is supposed to, then maybe she’d have some energy in the evenings to do what a mother is supposed to do and i’d be willing to help, only if she had a pleasant attitude. it is very hard pleasing my mom. nothing seems good enough for her. she keeps on expecting me to do all these things that i could really care less about. it’s driving me up a wall especially now because she’s doing the chores that she would normally give me on the weekend or anyother day of the week but she’s doing them loudly and slamming things on purpose, for what? to make sure i know that she’s fucking doing them, seriously? i want to know. i hate this behavior. and i absolutely hate slamming doors and things; i’ve always thought it is disrespectful. i offered to help but i get “you don’t have to do anything, i have it”. so all i can say to her right now is, fine. if she’s going to be mean, immature, and too sensitive then i’ll fuck off. this is just ridiculous.
01.24.07
second day of classes
today was a nightmare. first i didn’t wake up when i was supposed to. last night while setting the clock i accidentally set the clock for am instead of pm. i officially hate clocks. and the funny thing is everything would have been fine if i used my cell phone like i usually do except i left it in my car and i didn’t want to go get it. so, i woke up at 8am which is the time anatomy started. i started freaking out and my mom said just get ready and go to class late. i wasn’t too keen on the idea but i got ready as fast as i could. i ended up getting to school around 9am and at this point i thought…class is almost over; so i’ll just wait to talk to the teacher and explain why i wasn’t there. of course the class ends and i go in and tell the teacher i accidentally slept in and i’m supposed to be number two on the waiting list. so, she asks my name and it turns out i’m not on the effing list at all. i told her that is impossible because telreg (telephone registration) told me that i was number two on the waiting list. then the teacher thinks i’m stupid and says “are you sure it wasn’t human physiology?”…and i’m like WTF?..i know what i signed up for. and that was the end of it. being the emotional person that i am, a few tear drops fell
then i had political science. and blehh, what have i gotten myself into. this class seems like it is going to be a challenge. which is actually good, it is what i need. it’s definitely not going to be easy. at least the people in the class seemed pretty cool.
then i drove to santa rosa for math and came back, took a shower, started my english, ran out of things to say for english and then started this blog entry.
01.23.07
Carmen Electra
i guess this is from Epic Movie and shes spoofing lonelygirl15. I love Carmen!
ps. if you are on digg I submitted it…so go digg it
01.22.07
first day of second semester at college
My first day of my second semester at college was definitely nerve wrecking. Last semester my classes were so easy going with really laid back people. this semester i’m taking morning classes instead of afternoon/evening classes and i’ll tell you that it is a big difference. my classes are full of peppy “cool” people; it reminds me of high school. Not to mention the actual class size is far bigger then last semester. but i’m not going to get too hung up on that because last semesters English was crazy the first couple of class sessions and then it eventually got down to like twenty people. anyway i’m just worried about these preppy boys that are in my classes. i’m very shy and even today they were very distracting. right now that is my biggest concern. but i do realize that i really need to get over my shyness. hopefully this semester i can do that especially since there are a few familiar faces in my classes.
today i had English 205: critical thinking and math 220: statistics. my English teacher is such a dork but he is one of those scary dorks. he seems really intense and it seems as though he loves his job; which is good. looking at the syllabus the class doesn’t seen too hard but i do have to give two oral presentations; hopefully the different genre of personalities won’t throw me off. now, i took public speaking last semester and i don’t have a problem with giving oral presentations; it’s just these preppy party boys that will throw me off. i have nothing against them, it’s the fact that i’m shy and i didn’t have to deal with any of them in my classes last year and i ignored them in high school; so it’s a big change.
statistics is a class that i’m probably going to end up dropping. i do need the class for my physical therapy major but i only signed up for it because i ended up on the waiting list for another math class. which i just remembered that this math class actually started last Thursday, so i guess today would technically be my second day of my second semester at college. i got into the class, so i don’t need to worry about that. but i’m not going to drop it until after classes tomorrow because i’m also on the waiting list for human anatomy. i’m really praying that i get into anatomy. this class is extremely hard to get into. a woman in my biology class last year said that it’s not fair that i’m on the waiting list because i’m an “continuing student”. i don’t know if i should go talk to the dean or not if i don’t get in; on one hand it seems fair but on the other hand it doesn’t. i will talk to my mom about it or something and see what she says. anyway, at least the statistics teacher is really cool. i loved her. unfortunately, i don’t know if i’m going to take stats over the summer now or if i should go ahead and wait for next fall. if there is no way that i can take anatomy (which would make me really mad) then of course, i’ll stay in stats.
tomorrow i have human anatomy (i’m number two on the waiting list; i hope i get in) and political science. i’m sure i will write about it tomorrow.
hopefully i can get up in the morning at 6 am like i did in high school for my 8 am human anatomy . like i said before my classes were afternoon classes last semester with my earliest class being 1:30 pm
01.21.07
the gift of giving
give to others:
fund free mammograms
feed the hungry
Protect Children’s health
Give the gift of reading
Save the endangered land
Feed animals in shelters
this was on my myspace page but i deleted it…i’ll put it back on soon though
01.19.07
not really fair
so my mom hasn’t been talking to me for about two day now. and she just called me and gave me a whole bunch of chores to do. wtf? i don’t think that is really fair. she really needs to think about her reactions towards me. i really think she’s too sensitive. but i don’t think it’s fair that she’s giving me all the chores because her boyfriend is spending the night tonight. it’s not fair. anyway it just made me mad that she hasn’t been talking to me but she’ll call and tell me to do chores
textbooks
why do textbooks cost so much money. i don’t know how i’m going to pay for it. i guess it is my fault i forgot to apply for a book scholarship. i’m sure i would have gotten one; if i remembered. it is just overwhelming a the cost of these textbooks and college in general. hopefully i can get by this semester without a problem but next semester i won’t be a fool and i won’t forget to apply for a book scholarship. thankfully FAFSA pays for my enrollment fees which leaves paying about $17 a semester. and on top of book costs i just found out tonight that i need a new calculator for math; i need the ti-89…i think it’s a little under $200 which is crazy. i found it on amazon for $99. i just sent my mom an email tonight telling her that the calculator will do for my birthday coming up.
tomorrow i’m going to get up as early as i can and go back to the college book store and do more textbook research. i had no idea what i was doing today but it is somewhat not my fault for not asking. one of my friends is buying his books online and i guess that means i am too; it has turned out to be a nightmare for me considering i have no idea what to do. and then i have to go out and find a stupid job. i need to. i want to get out of my house and i’m never going to do that without a job.
01.18.07
why oh why
why oh why did i dye my freaking hair a “nutmeg brown”. it doesn’t look “nutmeg” it looks black. i am having a really hard time with this. it looks like fucking shit. pardon my language but it’s true. i don’t know if i should dye my hair lighter or just leave it. my hair takes forever to grow. i think i get the award for slowest growing hair. i’m serious. i’m dead serious. it sucks so much. and if i dye my hair lighter will the “nutmeg” show through. i have no idea. all i wanted was to get rid of my over grown blonde-ish highlights from a couple of years ago. blehhhh. i don’t know how much longer i can take really bad hair, i feel like bawling my eyes out everytime i look it especially when i look at my ugly face with my ugly hair.
response..
in response to what i just wrote…
i just had a talk with my mom and apparently she can’t take it either. she also said she wants me to move out
never ending..
so my mom is mad at me, FOR NO FUCKING REASON. since college starts tomorrow she asked about a class i am taking and she asked who is driving to the class because it’s an hour away. i told her i don’t know. then i started talking about one of the guys that i’m going with…i told her i don’t like him at all and that i think he is the biggest dick in the whole wide world. she understood~amazingly~. then she told me that my aunt and uncle are going to dinner with her and her boyfriend on friday. i told her that i didn’t care. i know that might sound bitchy or something but i really don’t. who cares if they are going to dinner with my mom. we see them all time considering they live a half an hour away. and it’s not like i’m going to the dinner or anything, so who cares. anyway so then my mom had to piss herself off and go on this “respect talk” saying that i don’t respect her at all. and i’m going to say this for the thousandth time, why can’t she see that we have never ever gotten along? she is trying to live her dream. one time when she got mad at me, she told me that her dream has always been to have a daughter and be best friends, so to speak. i’m sorry to say that we don’t have that at all. it is really hard getting along with my mom. our relationship has gotten better over the years but apparently not enough. the more she tries and the more she gets mad the more she pushes me away. it seems like i can’t do anything without hurting her feelings. it feels like i can’t say anything without hurting her feelings. i just can’t take it anymore. i think part of the reason is we are too much alike, yes i said, unfortunately we are too much alike. she needs to get some fucking balls and suck it up. i treat her damn well compared to what i have seen and heard. does she not realize that at all. she doesn’t really have any girl friends anymore to compare, i think that is why it has been so hard on me. when i was younger i was always the good kid……i don’t know what else to say. i’m just getting fucking tired of her getting mad at me for the stupidest things in the whole wide world. i hope to god i am not like her when i get older. i just can’t it anymore.
