04.30.07
I hate it
I hate it when people don’t write back. You have no idea how much this annoys me. is it really that hard to respond? come on? i wonder why people choose not to respond? is it because they don’t care and they’re not interested? do they really not like me and they are pretended that they like me? did they forgot? what? what? what? i don’t know!!!! it’s driving me insane. whatever, they are a bitch anyway. I’m not really aiming this at one person, just in general but there is someone. but honestly, what motivates people to write back and not write back? I know that when i write back i do it because it’s the courteous thing to do–if i don’t know them or if i don’t like them. but if i like them, that is a whole other story, of course i want to talk and communicate with them. ok, i’m writing this because i’m annoyed
I.got.my.sunglasses
title says all. i finally got my sunglasses. unfortunately i don’t like the big ones (i think they are too big) and i think that aviator glasses have a crooked nose piece. the pink 80’s glasses are perfect and now i really want to get them in every color. my mom never said i couldn’t, i just might do it
04.29.07
Little Things
I was just thinking about things that would make me happy, since I haven’t been lately and it’s simply-it’s the little things that make me happy. It’s the little things that put a smile on my face. I don’t need anything big or planned to make me happy, i just want something simple. Little spur of moment things to let someone know that you really care. As time goes on, it seems as though these things get lost and never find their way back. To anyone who has these what I call “Little things”, I envy you like no other. And a hint, don’t fucking do something because you feel obligated to, for gods sake, do it because you care and do it to show that you care. Otherwise, they’re never going to know how you feel. From observation and learning from myself, not sharing and not putting forth effort from both people in a relationship can push someone away, even if you love them. I don’t know what I am saying but i think that it make sense..doesn’t it? i think so. I think it lets you know that someone is thinking of you. It seems like it is just too much to ask for. maybe one day. I do know that i will personally try my best.
Perfect Song
this is kind of the perfect song for what has been going on lately. it’s kind of freaky.
It’s not so easy loving me
It gets so complicated
All the things you gotta be
Everything’s changing
But you’re the truth
I’m amazed by all your patience
Everything I put you through
And when I’m about to fall
Somehow you’re always waiting
Your open arms to catch me
You’re gonna save me from myself
From myself, yes
You’re gonna save me from myself
My love is tainted by your touch
Well some guys have shown me aces
But you’ve got that royal flush
I know it’s crazy everyday
Well tomorrow may be shaky
But you never turn away
Don’t ask me why I’m crying
‘Cause when I start to crumble
You know how to keep me smiling
You always save me from myself
From myself, myself
You’re gonna save me from myself
I know it’s hard, it’s hard
But you’ve broken all my walls
You’ve been my strength, so strong
And don’t ask me why I love you
It’s obvious your tenderness
Is what I need to make me
A better woman to myself
To myself, myself
You’re gonna save me from myself
No Response
I didn’t get a response, is it a sign? Is it a sign of laziness? or Is it a sign that it really doesn’t matter? Maybe I am over my head. I’m so confused
wow
my mom is all pissed off at me right now because i won’t get ready to go to starbucks to get her coffee. ok, i don’t think that is a really good reason to be fucking mad but what ever. and when she’s mad of course she always bashes me and says things that aren’t very nice, in other words she likes making me feel like fucking shit. this morning she said that i don’t appreciate the work she does..and i’m like what the hell did you just say. yesterday she did work yeah…after several months of not doing anything. she also said that don’t do enough here. haha, i think that is funny. she damn well knows that i do everything. seriously, i think i said this in one of my last posts about my mom..what the hell is she going to do when i’m gone. she is going to have to do everything. i wonder if she realizes that. and I bet she has no idea how bad i want i leave. since she is being a bitch because i won’t go to starbucks she said that she is going and no getting me anything..so fine. i honestly think i’ll be a much happier person when i move out of my house away from my mom. i fear that i have too much of mood fucking swinging personality and it’s ruining my life
04.28.07
myself
I’ve gained so much weight lately. It is making me really sad. It seems as though I always gain weight during the spring…ever since i can remember and then I lose the weight during the summer but I don’t want to gain weight. What a way to make me feel like shit even more. Lately, I’ve been really down about my looks. I definitely don’t feel comfortable in my own skin. I’ve never thought i was pretty but lately it has hit me like a ton of bricks. I don’t get as many comments from people anymore either. I remember when I was a freshman and Sophomore I had a lot of guys like that liked me but I always kept quite and never really talked to any of them. When I was a Sophomore, I thought this one guy was really hott and I told my friend and she happened to have a class with him and so she told him…I was kind of neutral on the sitution..I wanted him to know that I liked him but at the same time i thought that it was embarrssing that my friend was telling him…anyway, we were kinda good friends and I ended going to a dance with him and what not and he hung out alot but in the end it didn’t work out because i was too shy, I guess that didn’t setle well him or something but i don’t think he gave it enough of a chance. But anyway, out of all the people I’ve ever been he made me feel the best, even though he always blew me off go to party and get drunk, even on my birthday. I know when I go through my yearbooks as an adult and i see his picture I will remember how he made me feel.
I know that I don’t know how to do makeup and I don’t know how to do my hair and I bite my nails and I don’t wear nowhere near good clothes but is that what consitutes as being hott or beautiful. It seems like in today’s world it is. When it’s time for me to do my hair in morning I practically cry because the only thing i know how to do is straighten it. when I put on my makeup in morning i practically cry because i don’t know how to do it or i never see a change in the way i look with makeup on. don’t get me wrong i don’t want to be wearing a shit load of makeup because i think that looks like shit but you get my point. And then when it’s finally time to get dressed in the morning, i think..what the hell am i going to wear..i don’t have anything..literally.
At the beginning of the school I posted a blog entry about a guy who liked me obviously for my looks because he told me that i didn’t have “sex appeal” and that all his friends told him to basically stay away from because i’m not hott enough but he paid attention to me any..at least for a little while but not anymore. i wonder if it is because i didn’t change the way i look after he talked to me or is it for the right reason..the fact that I have boyfriend. i don’t know. but it will be on my mind whenever i see him.
i’m tired of being this little ugly duckling that nobody notices and that everybody pushes around. I’ve been wanting to change for awhile now- my appearance and my personality but it’s so hard especially when I don’t have anyone that believes in me. It’s hard being the shy/quite girl in the crowd and on top of that I don’t even look good. This has been bugging me for awhile now and i just randomly thought that i would write about it write now. i think i’ll try to write something like this but better some other time.
chores
my mom has been yelling at me and bossing me around all morning. What the hell? The house wouldn’t be so dirty if she took a little time each time day..like she should..it’s really not that hard. instead, i do all work and and get my ass yelled at because i’m not doing something or i’m doing that something right. i think she is in more of a bad mood because our stupid landlord hasn’t come over to help put in our new dishwasher and she’s been trying to do it herself but she’s in pain because of all her back surgeries and she asks me help but she yells at me so it makes me not want to help her and her being in a bad mood puts me in a bad mood. i’m just tired of her yelling at me and i’m tired of cleaning up HER lazy messes. this better not go on all freaking day long or i will be sooo sooo pissed off
I want you to want me
I want you to want me. I need you to need me. Id love you to love me. Im beggin you to beg me. I want you to want me. I need you to need me. Id love you to love me. Ill shine up the old brown shoes, put on a brand-new shirt. Ill get home early from work if you say that you love me. Didnt i, didnt i, didnt I see you cryin? Oh, didnt i, didnt i, didnt I see you cryin? Feelin all alone without a friend, you know you feel like dyin. Oh, didnt i, didnt i, didnt I see you cryin? I want you to want me. I need you to need me. Id love you to love me. Im beggin you to beg me. Ill shine up the old brown shoes, put on a brand-new shirt. Ill get home early from work if you say that you love me. Didnt i, didnt i, didnt I see you cryin? Oh, didnt i, didnt i, didnt I see you cryin? Feelin all alone without a friend, you know you feel like dyin. Oh, didnt i, didnt i, didnt I see you cryin? Feelin all alone without a friend, you know you feel like dyin. Oh, didnt i, didnt i, didnt I see you cryin? I want you to want me. I need you to need me. Id love you to love me. Im beggin you to beg me. I want you to want me. I want you to want me. I want you to want me. I want you to want me.
