07.31.07
Confused
its haunting me. its something that i quite explain or i can i just don’t know how much i am willing to share. its something that i definitely don’t want to keep bottled up inside me, in fact- i can’t keep it a secret. i don’t want this weighing me down like a ton of bricks anymore. i want to know the whole truth and nothing but the truth. i’ve been literally waiting for months for hear what i heard, i’ve been waiting to actually feel like a person, someone worth living for. why the change? why now? that is all i ask, why now? so many things are running through my mind and i don’t know what to do. is it worth the wait and worth the pain and go through it all again or should i let myself be free. its not even gaurenteed that everything will be ok in the end. if i let it go now, will i be saved myself? fuck, i was doing well, i was moving on but then at the very last second there is always something that fucking happens.
07.21.07
An Old Friend
I’ve recently been re-acquainted with an old friend and to be honest, it’s quit pleasant. I’ve known him all my life. his mother and my mother have been friends since they were 12 years old and they’ve kept their friendship going. i don’t know where my mom’s girlfriends husband is from but he proposed to his wife, right here in my home town, in an old hotel that is unfortunately not up and running. ever since i can remember they have been coming up here to the lake to camp and have fun on their boat. when i was little i would spend the week and camp with them but around the junior high age, i stopped hanging out with them because i was gone or the boys were gone. oh by the way, they have 3 boys, one of which is the one i’m talking about. his name is Danny and he’s a year older than me, Chris is two years younger and Andy is a couple years older. i remember when we were little, we were the best of friends, camping with them was like seriously the highlight of my summer. anyway, i haven’t hung out with them in years and years and so this summer i went and hung out with him and his younger brother and his two friends. being the person that i am, i didn’t say much at all but i still had a really good time. i know that i made Danny jealous by picking his younger brother to be on my volleyball team…haha it was pretty funny and playing volleyball was definitely an ice-breaker. Anyway, so we’ve been talking a lot ever since his camping trip ended and it’s been pretty nice. he used to be like a brother to me…in fact his family is like my family. i remember his dad wanted me to move in with them in high school for sports because he knew that i play soccer, he wanted me to have better coaching or something like that, he was totally serious too because Andy (the older brother) was moving out for college. anyway, it was nice visiting them because they are an amazing family and i’m really glad that me and Danny have rekindled our friendship. i can’t wait for the 4th of August because that is his birthday and he invited to hang out with him and his buddy’s. it’s nice to have an old friend
07.03.07
“do you want to do something sometime”
it was pretty cute, a guy yesterday at work asked me if i want to do something with him and asked for my cell phone number…it was pretty cute. i was pretty surprised actually. i thought he was somewhat attracted to me but i didn’t know that he would actually ask for my number and he always tried toalking to me when he came in. i guess yesterday i took him by surprise because when i first started working i worked during the day when he came in but now that we have a new manager i work at nights because that is when my manager schedules me (sucky i know), so i haven’t seen this customer in awhile. yesterday he played stupid and asked me to help him look for a movie..haha. it was so easy to find i could have done it with my eyes closed, seriously. anyway, it was pretty cute. haha
